I have noticed, whenever I talk to my grandparents it immediately puts me in a better mood. I can't even describe the love I have for old people. They are basically the cutest things in the world. Currently, my grandpa I've had to help raise me and who I call papa has been suffering from cancer for a few months now. He is now in the last stages and any day now will be his last. I have a great understand that illnesses happen, especially when you are older. Learning all about the anatomy and physiology of our bodies makes me understand the amazing processes that have to happen for us to live. So to go 80 plus years without horrible health is a good life to live. I also understand that people do die. It's just the way life goes. We come down to this earth to live and be tested, then we report back and hopefully we lived a life we are proud of. With all of this knowledge, it still doesn't make it any more easier to deal with losing the only grandpa I've got the privileged of knowing and growing up with. At certain times I'll just think about all he has done for me throughout my life and all the things I have learned from him. Then I have instant regret for not telling him more often how much his advice really did matter to me and how much I love him. Now his metal status is so deteriorated that he's not really understanding things or able to carry a conversation. I am just trying to cherish the memories I have and keep those in my heart. Because really that's all you can do in these situations. I know that anything is better than the pain he is in now.
Recently, I have noticed there is someone I really truly look up to. Sadly, I haven't noticed this until these recent events have happened, but better now then never eh?? My grandma noa, the one I call puna, is probably the strongest woman I have ever known. Everyone just loves and adores her. How could you not love a little hawaiian lady? She just is always happy and optimistic. Even while her husband is there dying and not making life the easiest for her, she still has a smile and does whatever she can to help him feel better. She always puts others needs before her own. Whenever I call to talk to her, she is just so lively and takes life how it is. That is something I strive to do everyday by her example. Things may seem unfair and hard, but it is how you perceive it. Just a week ago Puna's brother passed away. It was a sudden, unexpected death. He was her last sibling out of a ridiculous amount of children in her family. She is now the last one standing with her husband slowly slipping away. I can't even imagine the pain it would bring me to know my parents, brothers, and the one I married being gone. Needless to say, there are so many reasons I look up to her. Maybe it's because I'm named after her so I have this special bond and I'm like genetically programed to feel this way... but I highly doubt that. It's because she's an amazing person trying to live the gospel and have faith in every situation. She understands that everything happens for a reason and it is just making her a better person in the long run.
She also gets a shout out for having a part in raising me. When we lived in Washington we had a two story house. They lived on the first floor and we lived on the second. My parents both worked full time jobs so when I would wake up, it would be my grandparents helping my brothers and I get to school. When I came home from school, it would be to their presence once again. Puna would always cook for us and she is definitely the one who pounded the proper way to clean and garden into my head. Papa would always spoil us and take us to McDonalds to play on the playground or take us to feed the ducks. My grandparents have made a huge impact on my life and has always supported and helped me whenever I needed it. At my softball games they would come down from california just to watch me play. They were my number one fans that would always be cheering me on. I wouldn't want my life to be any other way. I am going to miss Papa a lot. I wish I could have spent more time with him in his last days. I know I'll be able to be with him again some day. For now all I can do is remember the amazing example he is for me and to keep my love for him. I know he will be cheering me on from heaven just like he would cheer me on at my games.
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